September
I keep having waking dreams to the title score from Big Fish. Partially, I see the beginnings of Memoria; the flashback to my own childhood and all, but other times I see different things. Magic things.
In one of my art history classes (which isn't really art history, more like, lets listen to my professor chat about what he wants to talk about class), we talk about magic. More so in the sense of how it affected ancient cultures, but it's struck a chord in me that other lectures haven't. This summer I wrote some journals/protocols about the role of magic in Memoria-- how my main goal in life was to provide imagination to a world with dead senses, to recapture revealed moments -- and it seems strange to me that these things are coming up again in a university setting. Which seems strange, and oddly signifigant to me.
I haven't had much motivation to work on Memoria lately, and have been caught up in my studies for class; but the idea of capturing the moments of Memoria-- from the Bairds' laugh to the sadness of Havard to the sacrifice of an older sister-- seem to resonate in me.
More specifically is the strange desire to capture the feeling of what it is like to be in presence of God; but as He has chosen to reveal Himself to me in visions or dreams. I don't really know how people would react to seeing Him that way, or even if there would be a way to really DO it as I have thought about it.
It would be so much easier if I could do something as easy as slipping my hand over someones eyes and praying and letting God do the work. I haven't prayed often this summer, but when I do, I am usually praying for that. I want to be able to use the visions and the settings and the characters to take away someone's pain for a while, and replace it with wonder.
Lately I have watched while friends lives have crumbled (and with a few, rebuilt) for the last couple weeks. Partly I wish that my own would be that way (because I feel very lukewarm right now), and others I wish I could share my gift with.
Once I felt like God was giving me the go ahead to share when a friend was breaking down, but I didn't. I choked, because I was afraid. Of what, I don't know; but I only hugged and talked. What a fool I am.
There is a finished page ready to scan. Hopefully I can get it up later this week.
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