Dance Party
I'm trying to find passion again. The last month has been very lackluster for me; but I've been trying to push through it and find ways to make even the mundane thrilling again. I'll let you know how that goes- though pages might be the best indicator of how it's going.
I don't know why it's so hard for me to produce pages. I can write like a maniac, sketch, plan, and do pin-up art all day, but find myself lacking when it comes to actually making a page. I have been enjoying doing formal analysis work of other artists (thank you, uni) more than making pages lately. Which disgusts me. ;p I mean, it's certainly good, and it's through some of those studies I've been tempted to start making pages again. But how strange!
Passion. That's what it's coming down to. I've been trying to pump myself up, and realize that I'm coming short. I can't live on the newness alone, or somehow hope that lackluster effort is going to add up to something great. I was reading Scott McCloud's "Making Comics" (which is fabulous, btw), and he says, "It's not good enough to be good enough. You've got to be great."
I'm not sure if I'm great.
I know I'm good... but I'm realizing it's not good enough. I've been straying away from the real reason I started making comics- the real reason I'm doing anything, really- and have been content (?) to just do nothing. Because that's really what's happening; I'm doing absolutely nothing, just things with the pretense of being SOMEthing. Going through the motions.
I forget about the stories I have to tell. The people I have to reach. I'm busy with just... I don't even know what working at a grocery store/sleeping/etc can be called.
I know this going to seem flighty, but I think I want this video to be my life right now. I remember watching this years ago when it first came out (and before I knew who Christopher Walken was!) and always laughing at how ridiculous it was. It's still ridiculous, but it's also still awesome. The beginning is me right now- but I want to use 'the weapon of choice' to start dancing again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMZwZiU0kKs
Comments:Zoraa, 01 Aug 2009 05:08 am
I think, there are some people in the world that must work hard to get somewhere in life. I think you're one of them ^_^ You really have to work hard if you want to be "great." At the same time, don't overwork yourself. You have your own style, and NOBODY can take that away from you. Melchizedek (Guest), 05 Sep 2009 09:26 pm
I relate
Not to sound like an old guy, even though I am getting up there, I can relate to your way of thinking and I know with myself you'll always have those thoughts. No matter how great you get the grass is always greener elsewhere and the old statement that someone is always better out there is true. I beat myself up sometimes, because I can see my flaws and fear others see them too. I use to not even like looking at old art of mine. God has helped me a lot to get pass the negativity and self critism mainly by me pushing through it. It's like going to work or school when you don't feel like it or excersizing when you don't feel lkie it or praying to God when you don't feel like it. I'm learning not to go by feelings. I use to go through monthly bouts of depression and wanting to give up when I first started my comic way back in 2000(yes I've been doing this comic for 9 years). I think it was my flesh and Satan, but it was awful at times, but God kept encouraging me. It's a fight to say the least. I don't like looking at it that way, but it is. I still have to fight the negativity now and it comes in different forms, but I can say you become |